Indigembil's Random Babbling

kmrn-kmrn gw dikirimin imel sama tanya. ini bagus sih.
mungkin banyak yang lagi merasakan. yang jelas, sebagian besar lagi gw rasakan.
cape juga yeee pencarian jati diri.. taeah. gw kira yang gini2an ngga beneran ada.
pantesan gw ngamuk-ngamuk mulu. semua salah. kesepian. dan labil…
cuma yang gw bold sih yang relevan sm gw, tapi gw taro juga yang lain kali-kali ada yang butuh.
taeah butuh…

They call it the "." It is when you stop going along with the crowd
and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you
didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder
where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you
barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those
friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch
with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is
that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean
or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought
you would be doing, or maybe you start looking for a job (in my case, sok-sok liat-liat ke bidang-bidang lain... trus mau sekolah lagi di bidang itu...) and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize
that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly
adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and
cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared
and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on
to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting
further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do
such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet
anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.

Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad
person.

One-nightstands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk
with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to
make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... (dan kebingungan sendiri 'KAPAN KAWIN?' ngefet) and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as
we can to figure this whole thing out.

ya ya.. selamat datang di quarter life crisis whatsoever… walau gw blom quarter-quarter amat…
tapi gw perhatiin, kalo pada umumnya emang kena ke orang-orang umur 23-24an.
jangan-jangan gw pgn kawin muda karena ketidakstabilan emosi juga ya sebenernya. kaya bagian dari pencarian aja. ‘udah pacaran, udah kerja, trus apa?’. hhhh… gatau gatau… sekarang semua serba gatau…

gw cuma pengen bagian hidup gw yang ini segera ditutup.